Love in the Time of Chronic Illness: Dating with a Diagnosis
by Taylin D. Ramirez
Love in the Time of Chronic Illness: A New Series!
Welcome back to my series, Love in the Time of Chronic Illness! In Part One, we explored how to navigate love and relationships while managing a chronic condition. Now, we’re diving into the dating world—because yes, dating is absolutely possible (and can even be fun!). Whether you're newly single, returning to the dating scene, or just curious about what's possible, this post is for you.
Dating with a chronic illness can feel overwhelming, but it doesn’t have to stop you from finding love or a meaningful connection. With some preparation, communication, and confidence, you can build a dating life that supports your well-being and honors your experience.
When to Disclose Your Diagnosis
One of the biggest questions people have is: When should I tell someone I’m dating about my diagnosis? There’s no one-size-fits-all answer, but here are four tips to guide you:
Trust your gut – You don’t have to disclose everything on the first date. Share when it feels right and when trust begins to form.
Don’t lead with your diagnosis – You are so much more than your illness. Let them get to know you first.
Be honest when you’re ready – When the time comes, be clear and confident. Share what your condition means for your day-to-day life and what support (if any) you may need.
Prepare for different reactions – Some people might not understand, and that’s okay. It helps filter out those who aren’t a good match.
With some preparation, communication, and confidence, you can build a dating life that supports your well-being and honors your experience.
Setting Realistic Expectations
Dating with a chronic illness means recognizing your limits while still making space for excitement and connection. Below are points to keep in mind with examples that provide a gentle but clear way to communicate your needs while being honest about your health.
Choose Chill Dates – Choose activities that work for your energy levels: a cozy café, a quiet park walk, or a short video chat.
How to say it
“Hey, I’m really enjoying getting to know you, but I’m more of a low-energy person these days. How about we grab coffee at a cozy café or go for a slow walk in the park sometime? I find it easier to enjoy myself when it’s something simple and relaxed.”
Go with the Flow – Your health might not always cooperate. Rescheduling or needing to cancel doesn’t make you flaky—it makes you real.
How to say it
"I was looking forward to our date, but I’m not feeling great today. I don’t want to cancel, but my health is a bit unpredictable. Can we reschedule? I promise I’m not flaking out, just taking care of myself. Do you want to do a phone chat after dinner?"
Pace yourself emotionally – It’s okay to take things slow. Emotional safety is just as important as physical comfort.
How to say it
"I’m really enjoying our time together! I want to move slowly when it comes to getting emotionally close, though. I want to make sure I’m in a good place and feel comfortable before diving into anything too serious."
Speak Up About What You Need – Setting boundaries doesn’t push people away—it invites the right ones to step closer.
How to say it
"I wanted to share that I’ve been learning more about setting boundaries, especially when it comes to my health. So, if I need to cancel or take a step back, it’s me being honest with myself. I’m not shutting you out—it’s me being clear about what I need to stay healthy. I appreciate your understanding."
Finding Supportive Partners
The goal isn’t just to find someone who accepts your illness—it’s to find someone who supports you as a whole person. Here’s how:
Look for emotional maturity – Partners who can communicate clearly, listen actively, and respond with empathy are key. Think about whether this person contributes positively to your life.
Pay attention to how they respond to your boundaries – Do they honor your “no”? Do they ask how they can support you? If they’re causing flare-ups, show them the door!
Don’t settle for less – You deserve someone who shows up, not someone you have to convince. Effort matters! Make sure their behavior is telling you they want to be with you.
Surround yourself with people who lift you – Whether it's friends or chosen family, having a supportive circle makes dating less stressful. A therapist can help you navigate the feelings that arise and offer insight into anything you might struggle with while dating.
Try being intentional with your dates to beat dating app burnout.
Bonus Tips for the Dating Journey
Use dating apps intentionally – Add a line to your profile that hints at your lifestyle (“low-key adventurer,” “nap queen/king,” etc.). Check out this hilariously insightful video about the “Zero Date,” a smart concept for dating on apps. (How to stop swiping and find your person on dating apps)
Practice self-love – Confidence grows when you remind yourself that your illness doesn’t define your worth. Make a list of all the absolutely amazing things about yourself that have nothing to do with your diagnosis.
Celebrate the wins – Whether it’s a great first date or simply advocating for your needs, every step is a victory. Get out there and have fun!
Dating with chronic illness isn’t about pretending to be someone you’re not—it’s about showing up fully, honoring your truth, and inviting connection from a place of strength and self-respect.
If you're ready to continue your healing journey—whether that means deeper self-love or building healthy relationships, reach out. You don’t have to figure it all out alone - make an appointment today.
What does intimacy look like for you right now? Next week in Love in the Time of Chronic Illness, we’re digging into Part 3 — exploring sex, intimacy, and reconnecting with your sensual self. Stay tuned for real talk, gentle encouragement, and ways to feel at home in your body again. In case you missed it, make sure you check out Part 1: Navigating Relationships with Compassion and Resilience and Part 2: Dating with a Diagnosis.
